The long road ahead

Being honest with myself isn't easy. It hurts.
I've been feeling so much the past few days.

But I do realize it's all part of the process. All part of the long road ahead...

Still I have to remind myself each morning, that it's OK to choose for Me now...
Today started as a tough day, but it changed... Actually it was a bit like the weather today...
Some rain, some sun, a bit of wind... And that's just fine! Taking it one day at a time...

Conclusion: today was (over all) a good day! 

Let's see what tomorrow brings!

- Me-

Work in progress

Yesterday was a difficult day for me... I called work and told them what was going on... It was hard for me because I felt guilty. I had the feeling I was leaving everybody down. So You see, I did it again... Neglecting myself.

My coach told me the first time I met her that people who care about me will allow me this period of rest. Now I'm beginning to see she was right.
It's easy for me to give advice to others, but following my own advice that's an other issue I need to work on.

Yesterday I took the first step in my process: Decided to take care of ME!

Today it makes me feel allready a bit lighter. A bit less weight on my shoulders.
But I really need to put a hold on my mind. It's still going crazy, thinking about all the stuff that NEEDS to be done. So for my second step ( trying to take at least one step a day) I'm going to make a TO-DO list!

Challenge: trying to make a SHORT to-do list :) Adding some relaxing and fun stuff aswell. But can't forget the daily things. Things that I don't have the energy for right now. Giving my daugthers some of my time. Reading a book. Going for a walk. Cleaning the house (once space at a time).

And I just need to remind myself to BREATHE!

-Me-

Where to begin?

Where to begin? An easy question I've been asking Myself for a while now.

So I thought it was about time I went looking for some answers.

Let's start with the 'How-I-got-here' part!

I'm not that old (I guess), but still I've been through My kind of hearteaches, pain, sadness... But of course I've also had a lot of joy, happiness and laughter...

A few years ago My life changed. A big change that turned everything I knew, everything I had upside down. That changed My future I was heading for completely. 

But I went on with My life, because I had to. Failure wasn't on My list at that moment. I wasn't allowing Myself to break down, to feel all the pain and anger inside of Me. Scared that it would consume me.

Two years passed by and I was trying to fill up the void that was left inside of me. 

Then I stumbled upon My new boyfriend, who found a way to break down the wall I had build. Without him I would have had My break down a lot sooner.

Break down is such a hard word, isn't it? Makes you feel like a failure.

Like you are not allowed to feel...

So I have a breakdown, I have failed, I'm not strong enough.. 

But I'm still not a that point that I can acknowledge the fact that it's OK to choose for ME! That I am allowed to feel, to cry and to be weak... 

I'm that kind of person who will allways put everybody first. 

Forgetting Myself in the process. 

So that's the 'How-I-got-here' part.

Now let's begin our journey! This is actually the first step for Me. Writing everything down in a Blog. Sharing a bit of Myself with the world. Hoping that I will help somebody else who feels the same. 

I just want to find Myself back... With the support of my family and friends who care about me the most... And with some help of people I will meet along the way!

-Me-