Last week something massive happened... I actually did a lot of small tasks (afterwords it made me feel like I took on the world. Yes, it was that exhausting!) But that wasn't the special part of the day. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend about my day... Telling him all the things I had done. And at a certain point I told him: I did good today!
Then it happened: I stopped walking (I was going upstairs at that moment to put away some laundry) and I realized that I actually gave MYSELF a compliment... The proud that came over me was a feeling I hadn't felt in a really long time.
In fact it is really hard to explain sometimes how you can't feel anything...
I guess that I was scared of feeling TOO much you know.
My therapist told me that in a crisis people can act in 3 ways: some start feeling (like a lot!), others will start overthinking everything and then you have the ones like me who will keep doing stuff, just so they don't have to feel anything or think about what happened.
So that's what I did... I shut down my emotion... Went into this zombie-state-of-mind.. Sort of an auto-pilot 😏 Maybe it wasn't a good thing to do.. But for me it was a way to protect myself... A survival act...
And now here I am!
Trying to get rid of the autopilot! Not as easy as it sounds. I am a doer. I keep on doing things, acting, handling... I kinda lost myself in the run... So I really am taking small babysteps.
One of those steps I took is starting to practice Yoga. And due to a special person I met down this road (she is a coach who specializes in Moms who feel (a bit) out of balance) I got intrigued by the Kundalini Yoga. It has been pretty intens, but I am a lot calmer after a session. I can really feel the energy at that moment.
Another step is trying to surround me with the people who GIVE me energy and not those who drain the energy out of me. I guess that is also setting some bounderies for myself.
That is also a though one: setting bounderies, drawning the line, making decisions.
Now these days I try to ask myself this question: 'Does it help me forward? Will it give me energy?' If the answer is NO, I draw the line.
One of those steps I took is starting to practice Yoga. And due to a special person I met down this road (she is a coach who specializes in Moms who feel (a bit) out of balance) I got intrigued by the Kundalini Yoga. It has been pretty intens, but I am a lot calmer after a session. I can really feel the energy at that moment.
Another step is trying to surround me with the people who GIVE me energy and not those who drain the energy out of me. I guess that is also setting some bounderies for myself.
That is also a though one: setting bounderies, drawning the line, making decisions.
Now these days I try to ask myself this question: 'Does it help me forward? Will it give me energy?' If the answer is NO, I draw the line.
Love Yourself! Nobody can take that away from You, it's a gift You give Yourself.
And You deserve it!
And You deserve it!
-Me-
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